2020 Dumpster Fire? Yep, I Roasted Marshmallows
We all have good years and bad years. What was the difference with 2020? We all collectively dealt with a rough year. In our living history we have never collectively had a bad year.
We’re going through this dumpster fire together. It became painfully apparent that doing it together would be the only way to make it better. Sadly, there were so many who chose not to band together, close our human ranks and douse the fire.
For those of us who have experienced trauma, this was a little more intense than usual. But all in all, we sat back, watched the world burn, and roasted marshmallows.
This year we learned so many things. For me personally here’s my list. I learned:
- That the United States is so much more racist than I thought possible.
- That nothing can send the human race into a panic like the thought of not being able to wipe their ass.
- That people we once loved and respected are selfish, pig bastards that do not care for anyone but themselves.
- That we have to expressly and explicitly tell people not to kill black people. Seriously, what the fuck?
- That most people that said they could live in a remote cabin for a year did not really know themselves very well.
- Twisted Tea will likely be the ATF’s next target to limit the use and purchase of.
- That there are people that do not and never will understand science.
- That bitch teacher that had no patience for my child…yeah, I owe her an apology. (can I get an amen from digital learning parents)
- That people that say, “If it’s my time to die, then so be it.” Have no understanding that it’s not really them I’m concerned about. It’s all the people they will infect along the way that don’t want to die.
- That you can never love someone enough for them to want to be kind to you.
- That most people really aren’t interested in your struggle.
- Who my true friends are. Hold on to them. Cherish them. ß you know who you are.
- That no one needs 4,000 Facebook friends. I’m doing just fine down to 1,500 or so.
- That people aren’t interested in changing their mind or admitting that they may have been wrong, and they will vehemently defend their position.
- That blood is NOT thicker than water.
- I’m not pizza or tacos. I can’t make everyone happy.
- For all of the people I’ll never be “enough” for – Sorry, not sorry. That’s on you, Fuck yourself.
- There are a lot of people that have never before been through trauma need a trauma buddy to walk them through it. I feel so bad for y’all.
- That no amount of pain you feel for the loss of someone will bring them back or help them.
- That I’m weary from writing bereavement tickets for my people at work.
- My soul is stupid…go home soul, you’re drunk. Hahaha
- That if someone genuinely cares about you, you can express how you feel and what you want, and they will not abandon you. They will listen and make you feel special.
- Learned through therapy to stand up for myself. I’ve ended many toxic relationships.
- That someone that is truly invested in you will be patient and not try to change you.
- Be patient with myself, I’m a work in progress.
So many more lessons but I can’t think of them right now. All in all, if you set aside the death and destruction of the lack of humanity in the world, I’ve actually had a decent year.
- Started some beautiful new healthy relationships.
- Set a higher standard for whom I will give everything to.
- Reconnected with two of the most important people in my world ß you know who you are.
- Started a publishing company.
- Released a box set in a pandemic. 0 out of 5, do not recommend.
- Moved forward boldly in all the things I was meant to.
- Built a home gym. Like, a really cool one.
- I bought a truck. Not any truck but the truck I’ve wanted for a very long time. I did it, I overcame all of the bullshit and dug out of the hole that the piece of shit I was married to put me in and I did it!
- I didn’t die.
- And once again, on a daily basis I’m reminded of how lucky I am to have Ava.
So 2020, for most it was pretty bad. I’m choosing to live on the bright side. Overall, I had many more gains than losses. I know I’m one of the lucky ones in this.
Let’s approach 2021 as something full of possibilities. To either learn or continue to be good to yourself. That doesn’t mean you have to disregard others, it’s all part of it.
There’s an important thing to remember. Life is a series of ups and downs. You are defined by your actions at both extremes.
I will always choose kindness whether at the top or the bottom.